As the day for me to go back to my hometown come closer and closer. Sometimes the fear of returning comes strong and stronger as well. Especially when I recall what I was fleeing from 12 years when I begin my journey. Even though throughout the 12 years leaving overseas, God had shown me time and time that he is ahead of me and I should have nothing to fear. But sometimes looking at my situation now I cant help but ask God in prayer . “Since you are omniscient and you transcend time, please tell me how my life would be like when I return” .. I asked because I can only see the path ahead as one full of suffering with nothing much to look forward to.

Sometimes my friend ask me why I am so unwilling to move back. Sometimes I share with them all the horror stories I encountered during my 8 years of working in my home country. How I eventually found relieve and purpose living overseas. Some of them could emphasize and can understand what was happening. But yet even so , it doesn’t make moving back any easier. The only reason for me to move home is to provide a better education for my children. It was something I know that will happen when I first saw my wife pregnant 5 years ago. Right now its just like the entire nightmare scenario playing right before me.

But many many years ago in a prayer God already said that will happen to me. For he said the same thing as he told apostle Peter.

“Most assuredly, I say to you, when you were younger,
you girded yourself and walked where you wished;
but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands,
and another will gird you and carry you where you do
not wish.”- Jesus (Jn 21:18-19)

While most in my family only started to lose sleep recently, I have lost sleep a long time ago because of this move. But some how today God keep moving me with the lyrics of this hymn. It keep coming to me as a reminder that he is going to watch over me

While Stanza 3 doesn’t appear in my church’s hymnbook. But I feel it is exactly what God wanted me to understand today.

Title: My Father Watches over me
Author: William Clark Martin 

Stanza 1:
I trust in God wherever I may be,
Upon the land, or on the rolling sea,
For come what may, from day to day,
My heav’nly Father watches over me.

Refrain:
I trust in God, I know He cares for me;
On mountain bleak or on the stormy sea;
Though billows roll, He keeps my soul;
My heav’nly Father watches over me

Stanza 2:
He makes the rose an object of His care,
He guides the eagle through the pathless air,
And surely He remembers me;
My heav’nly Father watches over me.

Stanza 3:
I trust in God, for, in the lion’s den,
On battlefield, or in the prison pen,
Through praise or blame, through flood or flame,
My heav’nly Father watches over me.

Stanza 4:
The valley may be dark, the shadows deep,
But, oh, the Shepherd guards His lonely sheep;
And through the gloom He’ll lead me home,
My heav’nly Father watches over me.